Friday, July 23, 2021

Just Sorting Out Messy Thoughts


22 July 2021.

We are on day 20 PPKM (Pemberlakuan Pembatasan Kegiatan Masyarakat) or day 2 extended PPKM now become PPKM Lv 4. Whatever you wanna call it.

So I have not been out from the house for 20 days.

I actually did journal the days on my phone just that today I want to try something different. aka write back in my forgotten blog lol. Ever since there is instagram, I doubt anyone still write and read blogs though.

I don't have any topic in mind. I just feel like writing something (?) try to clear out this messy thought a little bit.

On corona & pandemic.

I once read an influencer in instagram was asked "what is the first thing that you want to do once this pandemic is over?" and his replied was asking back how can you be sure that the pandemic is going to be over.. In fact, he has actually accepted that we are going to live with the virus forever so he adjusted his life accordingly. 

He moved from an apartment to a landed house so he has more space in his house. He set up a very comfy working room so he can work from home and he minimized his mobility.

I found it interesting yet ... scary because it might be true. Especially in Indonesia right now.

And unintentionally I have done sort of the same. My room has changed 80% since the start of pandemic last year. 

- I have changed my cabinet into a big one with big mirror so I can stretch at home

- I have a working table now

- I have a TV and TV cabinet

- I changed my chair into a more comfy one

- I bought another 3 portable desks, 2 for me to work sitting on the floor, 1 for me to work if I want to sit on my bed

- I put on wood vinyl flooring

- I change my blue curtain to a pink one

Even my friend who used to frequent staying over my room, when we did video call she said she did not recognize my room hahaha. I, too, had try to adjust to this work-from-home situation where I make my room the most comfortable for me to work.

However, even with all these, I still found it pretty lonely, working alone everyday in your room. I did zoom sometimes with friends, it did help but still..... 

I wish this world would recover soon. I wish meeting people would not be a scary experience. I wish we can hug each other again. But for now, I wish we are all safe and healthy. 

On daily life.

I have resigned from my job since end of Feb. Officially free since March. Something that I have been wanting to do for so long!! Hahaha. People ask me how? Am I happy now? I always said yeah of course happier now, but also I have lesser money now compare to when I was working lol. The joy of receiving salary every month.. But then after I resigned, the first few months, I was working on the opening of Luberger PIK so I was totally fine and busy. When it has finally opened, my time was dedicated for Bakcang32 because it was the dragon boat's festival. In between I was still teaching pole-dance (something that I enjoy so much!!) and building certain products with some friend so all was good!

Until PPKM.. and I am stuck safe at home lol. 

It's funny how we can plan but all we can do is plan. Life is so short, nobody knows... I often question myself if I die have I lived my life to the fullest? 

Have I ?

All I know is I am grateful for my life. My life was, is and will always be perfect.. for me. 

There are just so many things to be grateful for. I am alive and breathing. I am healthy. My family is healthy. The sky is blue. The sun always shines for us. I can on and off the air-con as I pleased. I can wash my hair as I pleased. I don't have to wear make up and dress up. I don't have to drive and stuck in traffic lol. I can sleep anytime I want. I can just sit at home. lol. I have friends. I have this ability and luxury to write my thoughts out. I can drink coffee everyday. These small little things, seemingly unimportant, but I am so grateful for all of them. I think we all have taken things for granted before. I am learning to appreciate more things everyday. Appreciate life. Appreciate this great life that I am honored to be living. I am grateful for my great life. I am grateful for the upcoming great events in my life, big or small. I appreciate them. 

So was looking at my old post back in 2017.. what a great life I had hahaha

and I posted this

a very nice reminder :) 

I think I will stop here for now, because I am tired already lol. Let's try to find more things to be grateful everyday. <3

Sign off!

Thursday, July 16, 2020

Bakcang32 - Mom Story Part 2

In a blink of an eye.. a week has passed.. wtf
Like what? How can it be? I said I wanna write something everyday..  What did I do??? LOL

Yes 2020 ain't like the year we all hope for, but looking back, we are half year towards the end of the year already! Yay to us for surviving the first half! Hahhaa

Anyway continuing on the last post.
When we first started off the quarantine/lock down/PSBB/WFH/any terms that ask us to stay at home, back in March, I was actually pretty happy lol. My introvert side was happy that I don't have to deal with people hahaha. My parents and siblings also all stay at home. Almost every meal we eat together. 

Then come April, everyone starts to get bored and not sure what to do. A lot of holidays somemore!

My mom starts to cook a lot of new dishes hahaha. 
One day, my sister asked her to make bakcang / zong zi.

Sometime in March, one of my friend suddenly ping me and said she craved for my mom's bakcang and asked if my mom will make some, she would like to buy. Then I told her if my mom make, I will send her some.

Then my mom made bakcang as requested by my sis. I send some to my friend and told mom about last month one friend actually ask my mom to sell bakcang coz she would like to buy. 

Two days after that, my mom suddenly ask me to take picture of the bakcang and open pre-order for the weekend. I was a bit surprised but of course I followed her request. I told in my siblings group that mom would sell bakcang, everyone please support. 

So we did open pre-order for bakcang and to our surprise the feedback was overwhelming!
Suddenly about 200 pcs order and we're like "can mom actually make this many??"
The order keep coming and it really was beyond our expectation!

But I have work to do so I can only help her during the weekend and it was so fortunate there were a lot of public holidays and long weekends.

Since the market acceptance was so good, after a month of selling thru my own social media, I decided to make it official. We brand it as "Bakcang32" and started off the journey of officially selling it.

June was bakcang month. The day we are supposed to eat bakcang this year falls on June 25 (called dragon boat festival), so we made the dragon boat festival package and it was selling so good! Many days our order were fully booked and everyone has to work until very very late at night (1AM!)

In short, the bakcang was selling so good in June.

That same June is the same month of the flooding which cause mom's shop to loss a lot of her inventory. 

I can only say that really, God loves mom so much.
Even before the flooding happen. He provides.

I told mom that she is really blessed indeed. Yes she may have lost a lot. (really A LOT)
and 2 months selling bakcang can't cover all her lost yet but it does cover some.

Besides, because she is busy making bakcang, her thought is occupied with bakcang and she did not spend her time thinking and stressing about her shop.

I am reminded of this verse: 

25 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 


We are still selling though! Although it's no longer bakcang month and the demand is not as high as June but we are still surviving! Now we even sell bakpao in addition to bakcang hahahaha.

Check us out :)

Tuesday, July 07, 2020

God Provides - Mom Story Part 1

4:58 PM

Thinking what I should write today.

7 July 2020.

Pandemic is happening around the world. Corona virus is spreading and since 16 March 2020, my company has instructed us to work from home instead of coming to the office.

So until now it has been almost 4 months I have been working from home.
Most companies have started the 'new normal' meaning they have been back to office but with health protocol. Fortunately my company still has not. We are encouraged to have online meeting but if we really need to have face2face meeting, we are required to get a few approvals.

Due to this event, many businesses have gotten impacted, one of them is my mom's shop.
She can't open her shop since mid of March, that means no income at all. But she still has to pay her employees. May was our Hari Raya, so extra incentive on that month.

Early June, suddenly there was big flood in the harbor where her shop is located. Resulting in her shop was flooded badly, and most (if not all) of her shop stuffs... got destroyed and can't be sold anymore.

It was a big surprised to all of us. I mean, no rain whatsoever but suddenly flooding? And all this time even heavy rain never any flood tearing apart the shop. So who would have prepared for a big flood?

Her employee was telling her to not come to the shop because mom would get so stressed out if she sees the shop.

I know she is stressed out.. who would have not? No income, still have responsibility to her employee and suddenly her stocks got ruined. But she never complained. She strongly faced it and never even once complained about her situation. 

Instead, she worked very hard.
and God blessed her so much.

To be continued tomorrow on how God provides for her despite her situation. 

Monday, July 06, 2020

My Perfect Life

What would happen if I spare a few minutes everyday to write.. just anything in my mind? 

I thought my life was perfect. I really thought my life was perfect.

I have healthy parents.
I have big sister, big brother, little brother.
I have roof above me.
I don't need to worry what to wear, what to eat.
I have loving friends.
I am healthy.
I have a job.

I really thought my life was perfect.

Until I started to get all stressed out, and figured wow my life is everything but perfect.

I don't think I am ready to write on what makes my life isn't perfect here, but I guess just like everyone else there are simply problems everywhere.

How come I thought it was perfect? The problems existed since long time ago.
How come only now I see that it ain't perfect at all?

and it occurs to me that, I was always being very grateful with everything in my life. 

I am grateful I have healthy parents.
I am grateful I have big sister, big brother, little brother.
I am grateful I have roof above me.
I am grateful I don't need to worry what to wear, what to eat.
I am grateful I have loving friends.
I am grateful I am healthy.
I am grateful I have a job.

Despite all the flaws and the problems, I always tried to look at the positive side and be grateful for it.
That.. was the key of my perfect life.

So now why suddenly the realization?
Am I not being grateful anymore?

and the answer would be yes. 
Truthfully I was SO busy that I have not spent my time with God anymore. I was lost and was only focusing on the problems and complaining all the time. Acting up like I have the biggest problems in the world. I blame it on my busy life. 

I was annoyed with everyone for not understanding me, not understanding my busy life.

And that's when I know my life ain't perfect..

And then I realize my life was perfect because I have God and grateful was the key to my perfect life.

Friday, July 03, 2020

3 July 2020 2:01 PM

3 July 2020

I am not feeling so good, as in the mood, not my physical health.

I feel tired, with bad mood all the way.
Nope, it's not because my period is coming. 
It's simply because I am tired with my routine.

But not everyday I feel this way.
Most days I feel extremely grateful with my routine.

I mean look at my life. I have shelter, I have parents, siblings, job, side jobs, friends. I am healthy. What's not to be grateful at?

But occasionally, like today, I feel like shit.

Why am I doing everything I am doing?
Why is my dad like this?
Why is my mom like this?
Why should I do everything? 
Why is everyone so annoying?

I am tired.

I am just tired.

This results in me not treating my friends well, one annoying sentence from them and then I will scold them lololol. I feel bad though. I know bad attitude can't be justified whether I am in good mood or not.

Anyway that is why I decided to just write this. To at least, let it all out.

I just ordered and ate my favorite crepes too.
And drank Starbucks coffee.

I feel a bit better and ready to continue my endless work again lolol.