Sunday, November 11, 2018

Wah wah wah.

I just got the time to check my Pumpkin & The Glass Shoes again and realized I have been neglecting it for quite sometime. Poor baby.

I also realized I have been neglecting gym & run as well. Less than a month for 2xu but I haven't prepared myself at all!!!

And it's been a while since I went to serve in Sunday School.

THEN the big question popped up: What was I doing all this time?? Why was I so busy but seems like nothing has been done?? WTH.. hahahahahahaha

I probably had been too focused on myself ???? Being too caught up with this "unhappy" situation without getting anything done. Hahahaa. Time to get up, stop playing candy crush and get back to live my life!


Thursday, November 01, 2018

Unstructured

I am freaking tired.

Hahaha.

What kind of a starter is that. I know. But I am freaking tired. Physically. Mentally. Emotionally. Damn.

I thought I figured life out on my 26th birthday??? At least that's what my blogpost said that time... I probably have jinxed it LOL.

I am in a mess right now lol.
FML.

And I really want to write this down so I hope few months from now when I have passed this season, I can read this and laugh at myself, then give myself a pat in the back for surviving this. hahahhaha.

The past 6 months have been a roller coaster for me. I am drained and saturated. I lost 6kgs since April. I question myself every single day.

It's really funny how I change so much in these 6 months. I miss those days when I was sooo happy and didn't give a damn on everything coz I was just so content with myself. lol. what th happened???

hahahaha

Just today, only today, morning I have product update in one of the business partner. Followed by lunch with another business partner. Then went to one of the distributors to celebrate his birthday. Continued with another discussion with another business partner with my regional alliance.

I have only checked my email when I was waiting to celebrate the distributor. But I am tired already lol.

Now I am in one of the restaurants in PIK for komsel. My cell leader is not available today so she asked me to take care of komsel today. In all honesty, I am freaking tired hahhaa. But then, I am suddenly so touched by the love of God. I have been complaining here and there with my current condition. I am sinful. I really think I don't deserve this. I don't think I deserve this chance to serve Him. T_T How could He still love me and allow me to take care of His children when I can't even take care of myself?

How is this possible?

I know this is so unstructured. lol.
What am I trying to say in this post I don't know lol.
My komsel friends are starting to come so bye for now lol.


Tuesday, August 14, 2018

My First 17.8KM Race

Yesterday I joined Titan Run 2018 and I signed up for 17.8km! LOL. During the two-hour running, like the usual, I think. Then this thought on how it's important to protect who we allow to surround us.

I usually joined the 10km race only. Yesterday 17.8km was my longest race and also longest run. The past month, I have been training consistently coz I was too afraid I would not be able to finish it.

Some people just have good faith in me and they believe I will be able to finish it. Heck, I was gonna register for 10km but a colleague pushed me to join the 17.8km coz he believed I can.

After consistent training in the past month, I now believe I can finish the 17.8km as well.

But then, there is a person who exceptionally believe in me and said I should be able to finish it before 2 hours. I was like, "what?? It's already good if I can finish it.."

Coz even during training, I have never ran that far, and usually my 2 hours will only achieve 16km. (and that also I felt like dying already ahhaha).

But he believes I can, even when I doubt myself. He said he's gonna help being my pacer. (and I still answered him: I am afraid I will disappoint you)

and then...:


With him being my pacer, I did the 17,8km below 2 hours time.



Look at the chip time.. 01:57:55 We basically overachieved the target!

I was amazed, he was proud. Then it strikes me hard that it really is important, the people we choose to put around us. If it's not because of him, I don't think I can make it. If it's not because of him, I don't think I can see what I am capable of and even achieving that.

I am so so so blessed and grateful for this experience. For him. For God's grace for giving me people like this. In my weakness of often doubting myself, there are people who believe in me and help me bringing out the best part of me.

Imagine if the people around is those who always say "Nah, I don't think you can do it." "I don't think it's possible" Then it will surely be not possible. Luckily that's not the case.

I hope I can be someone like him too! Believe in people's potential and bringing out the best part!


Bonus picture: that's my pacer in black shirt still looking ALL COOL and that's me on the right side.. looking like steamed crab LOL..


Wednesday, June 13, 2018

My Notable 10k Run

I ran 10k today! I cannot recall when was my last 10k. :( sad that I sort of ignored one of my hobbies. 

These days, I have been busy with my shoe line exhibition in Jakarta Fair. Since it's my office holiday, I take turn to look after the booth with my sis. All this time, she was the one handling it when I was working.

Yesterday was one of the days where I came and stand by there. It was raining and cold and not a lot of visitors and it made me realize (again) how I dislike just sitting there and I felt like I am not in my maximum potential. I feel very restless and tired and not getting the best. 

I came home very tired and decided to take a day off today. Bf suggested me to exercise and I was like, "but I am so tired"

He did not force me though.

However when I woke up this morning and looked at my gym clothes, I suddenly miss running. I decided that I wanna hit the gym today and run 10k at least!

It ain't easy!! I was feeling so sleepy and my friend asked if I just wanna go home? Another friend asked if I wanna join her hang out with another friend. I successfully said no and made it to the gym!

Still, it was not easy to hit 10k. When I was already 7k, I felt tired and thought of giving up.. but I have decided to hit 10k, so I continued. 

When I hit 8k, that thought came back but I have decided to hit 10k, so I continued. 

I remember in the morning, Andre messaged me talking about grit, and that same GRIT is what pushed me through.

When I hit 9k? Well, it's one more km, let's just finish it and so I did. Finish it. 10km today.

I felt so so so great afterwards. I know I will regret it if I stopped at 7k or 8k. Now that I did finish it, I felt very very good and it changed my mood drastically.

It reminds me again why I love running in the first place.

I dedicated this post to Andre. Thanks for reminding me to be gritty. 

Sunday, April 15, 2018

Short Reflection

I will be turning 26 in three more days. It's sort of a big deal for me these days lol. Like what have I done???

Anyway, I was telling my bro and sis earlier to not forget to get me presents. My sister was like, "Anything you want? I think you already have everything. What else do you not have?"

"Chanel bag"

Okay well yea except that Chanel bag which I still yet to buy until now, I reflect back at my life and she's right. I sort of already have the things I could possibly have or want. I might not be like those super rich people with unlimited money, but I got my basic needs covered.

I have a roof on top of me, though it's my parents'.
I got a car and productivity tools to help me on my daily activities.
I can exercise.
I can eat whatever I want anytime.
I can buy the basic things I need.
I can travel a few times a year.
I can even give back.

I could not ask for more.
I breathe.
I am covered.
I am content.
I am grateful.

Then I saw this on Quora.


I guess, in my 25, I have made it in life :)



Monday, March 26, 2018

Characteristics of Mature Person

One Friday morning, I was listening to a short podcast by Jeffrey Rachmat on topic "Sacrifice". He was talking about the characteristics of mature person.

In short he said people who are mature have these two characteristics:

1. Responsible
2. Willingness to sacrifice

As the podcast title is Sacrifice, he elaborated more on that, and just casually mentioned about being responsible. At that time, I was like, how do we explain being responsible?

Then he proceed on explaining about sacrifice. Sacrifice means an act of giving up something valued. Sacrifice is related with something valuable, something precious. If it is not valued by us or for us, can't say it's a sacrifice.

So what's valuable for me? Have I really giving up on that something valuable for God?



Later in the afternoon, Sandy, our marketing, told me to get my shirt we made for an upcoming event next week. Sandy told me, out of two small size shirts, there's one which has a bit taint. She told me to just take the one in good condition, and she will give the faulty one to the other girl.

I said, "oh? you sure?"

She said, "do I have a choice here?"

Then I told her about the podcast I listened to this morning. Funny thing is when I told her, I cannot recall the first point. I said, "you see, this morning I listened to a podcast talking about the characteristics of mature people. I can't recall the first one, but the other characteristic is the willingness to sacrifice. Well, this is a small matter though, just give me the faulty one and let her have the one in good condition."

Sandy laughed and she said, "okay, practicing what you heard ya."

I said yea and thought to myself, "how can I sacrifice something valuable if I can't even sacrifice small thing?" Followed by, "what was the first characteristic again? How come I forgot about it already?"


On that same Friday, we were having office warming and we invited all partners to our new offices. I have been busy accompanying them and giving them office tour since early morning.


Finish with all that, I met up with one of my distributors and told him how tired I was giving a lot of office tours. He laughed and told me how industrious I am. I was like, "huh? If I am just doing my job, you can't say I am industrious right? It's just me doing what I am supposed to do. If I do things beyond miles, then yes, I am industrious. Isn't that how it's supposed to be?"

He said, "nope, you could have chosen to say no to that, and just not doing it."

"But, it's part of my job, right?"

"Nope, not everyone has that kind of responsibility, so obviously you are industrious."

Then it struck me. "Responsibility!" I sort of shouted. "That was the first characteristic!"

"I was listening to this podcast this morning about characteristics of mature people, and in the afternoon I was telling Sandy about it but I forgot about the first characteristic. The second one was willingness to sacrifice. Now that you said it, I suddenly remember, it was being responsible." Explain me to my distributor.

"Being responsible means having an obligation to do something as part of one's job"


I will not want to forget this day thus this post. The day when I listened to something in the morning, and get to learn about it right away throughout the day.



Wednesday, January 31, 2018

I Challenge Me

It's the last day of the first month of this new year.

Wow.

How time flies. (my most favorite line)

Anyway.

You see, when we approached the end of the year, entering the new year, there's this common activity "New Year, New Me"going on. Time for all those resolutions and all, that we usually forgot after few weeks. I, just like the crowd, worked on my 2018 resolutions. Now since it's suddenly end of month one already, I figured, why not I review on those? See if I actually made any progress. Hence, this blog post.

I will focus on two things that I have never done in the past and have challenged myself heavily in January.

1. Limit my time on social media.
Actually the reason I can write this blog post is because I reach home earlier today. Usually when I reach home early, I will just lay on my bed and scroll thru Instagram or Facebook till it's suddenly time to sleep.

This year, I decided to limit my time on social media (instagram & facebook, but I will focus more on instagram). I wanted to say I 'left' them already -although I sort of did- but I still opened them a few times in January, only to check if there are direct messages. However, I managed to NOT: scroll thru the feed, check out the explore, view every instastory, and stalk everyone.

Why did I do this?
Honestly and being very vulnerablely, often Instagram makes me feel the 'uncomfortable'. How could she be so pretty? so skinny? so flawless? so lucky? How could they always travel? Why are they so successful? That is a very nice bag, but damn why it has to be so expensive? How could these people afford it? The big family is so loving, what a family goal. How do they achieve that? The groups are so fun, they all do all sort of thing together. Why am I not in the group?

It left me with a lot of questions that lead to the big question: why can't my life be like that?

The truth is, I know everything is crafted.

I only post pictures where I look pretty.
Most of my post revolves around my trips.
My big family has regular meet ups and events.
I have too many groups of friends, I can't be in all events.

I actually kinda have that life I was looking at Instagram, only that, I don't always have the perfect Instagram pictures of all that. But why even knowing all these, I still feel miserable?

So when I was talking to one of my closest friend, Nia, she told me that she stops opening Instagram, and I was like, that's actually a good idea. Let me see if I can survive without it.

Surprise not surprise, I passed this month.

I rarely opened Instagram, except for, like I mentioned, a few times checking direct messages. I let some people know that I am on social media detox, so they will know that I will not know where they went on the weekend, or what they eat, or whatever is going on, and to not send me direct messages.

The result of this?

1. I do not know what is going on in people's lives. So when people talk about it, I have no idea. I told Nia about this, I was thinking, it's not good that I have no idea what is going on. Her response? "That's actually a good thing. We talk less about other people now."

2. I talk less about other people now.

3. I stop comparing. Then again, I don't know about other people lives so I have nothing to compare to. Left me to just feel grateful for whatever good things happen in my life, coz it does not have to be better than the others.

4. It feels as if I have extra time. There are times when I do not know what to do. I look at my phone and think "what should I do?" I end up reading more quora, play peak (it's a brain games), read more books, learn language in dualingo lol. I can even write this blog post! I think I use my brain more now lol.

5. I reply chats. lol. I used to have this habit of not replying chats... or reply it like a day after. Most of the time, instead of replying message, I open instagram. Now since I don't open instagram, I just chat with people and directly ask what's going on in their lives. By doing so, I kinda strengthen my relationships with those people I really care, and those people who really care about me (that bothers to chat me coz they can't find my life on instagram)

6. I am more present. I don't spend time being with others with mind wandering on other people's lives on Instagram. Let's admit it everyone, we do open instagram when we are with other people. Why? Why are we physically present with people but not caring about them and instead spend our time with them checking on other people lives again?

7. I don't feel the need to share whatever I am doing. Instagram is like a competition, who has the most hype life. Once you start sharing, you should keep on sharing because when you don't, people will think you are doing nothing, or you have a boring life not worth sharing. Once I stop sharing, I just free myself from that constant need to keep up in the competition.

8. I realize.. a lot of things do not matter. Seriously, why do we care so much about what other people eat, or where they go for holiday, or what new bag they use, or whatever it is they present. Not knowing this for a month, does not really affect my life, so really, those things do not matter at all. I bet nothing affects my followers lives as well for not knowing what I am up to for a month.

Overall, I feel good. I told my friend about this and he asked, so will I continue or the experiment stops here?

I am not sure. I don't think of this as an experiment yet I don't want to strictly say I quit Instagram. Probably like the title, I will just continue limitting my time on it.

2. No Shopping Year!
Ha! Anyone who knows me know how much I love to shop! There were always online shopping packages come to my office desk. Often when I look at my room, I feel like having too many stuffs but I still buy more stuffs. Until one day, I read a post in Quora about someone tried a "No Shopping Year". Upon reading that, I thought to myself, can I do this? Can I de-attach myself with these material stuffs? Can I control myself to not shop?

Challenge accepted!

But a year seems so long, so let's break it down a little. Half a year? Quarterly? How about monthly? Ok let's start with weekly.

I sort out the rules.. no more new bags, no more new shoes, no more new clothes, no more buying all those non-senses..

What I can buy limited to food, gifts, toiletries, and things that I really need.

I told my bf, several close friends, SO they will remind me, and SO I will stick to it coz I am too ashamed if have already been telling everyone but fail at it.

Guess what!! Today is the last day of the month and I sort of did it!!! Well, I cheated a bit lol.
I saw a Miiko agenda in the bookstore and thought it was cute, and I told my bf and he bought it for me haha.
I needed a new iphone case and because my cousin is selling iphone cases, I asked one from her.
My mom made new dress for me for Chinese New Year.

But other than that, I did not buy anything. I am proud of myself for passing this for a month!! This could be a result of point 1 as well. Not knowing results in not wanting. I did not open instagram so I did not see all the online shops as well.. so I did not want anything and so I did not buy anything. Knowing I don't wanna buy anything and can't buy anything, I did not go to shops as well. Again, not seeing = not wanting.

That is really the key to succeed in this. It was easy as I don't know what to buy so I don't buy.
But when I know there are thing to buy, I feel like buying them.

Like just now, I went to Stradivarius to find gifts for business partners who is leaving the job, then I saw many cute bags, and cute blazers and cute dresses. IT WAS SO TEMPTING. I WAS SO TEMPTED. I have been working so hard, can't I just treat myself to a new bag???

Rest assured, I managed to control myself just now and walked out the shop with only the gifts and nothing for myself. Phew! Although until now that small cute bag is still on my mind. But what do I need that bag for? I asked myself again. Can I live without that bag? Obviously! My life was fine before I saw that bag. It will still be fine although I do not have that bag.

Again, not knowing whatever people are doing does not matter, same goes with not having the cutest bag or not having the newest shoes. It really does not matter at all. It's simple but it's not easy at all.

There are still 11 more months. I might fail but I will try to do my best. We'll see.